We are all in pain, wounded by 'No-Love'
Pain expresses itself in all kinds of ways. It can be focused on things like:
My partner left me —> so I'm in pain
My friend made a disrespectful comment —> so I'm in pain
My country is at war —> so I'm in pain
I got beaten up as a child —> so I'm in pain
I don't know what to do with my life —> so I'm in pain
I could continue forever, as there are thousands of things that can bring us pain, whether we realize it consciously or not.
Pain is caused by anything that is hurtful to us, and what is hurtful to us are many things.
We have all the obvious causes of pain, like those mentioned earlier, and there are countless less obvious, more subtle causes. These show up through i.e. stress, misalignment, being out of integrity with oneself, or restlessness.
Therefore I feel it is safe to say that we are all in pain.
The space of No-Love
All this pain, however, has something lingering underneath it. There is a wound that has been created early on in life. It's this core wound that keeps getting ripped open, causing us that pain. It's the cause underneath the other causes so to say.
It's the wound of having experienced the space of No-Love.
No-Love points to every experience, situation, each moment, or place in which Unconditional Love is not present, or not present in its 'full shape'. The wound we carry around comes from the initial moments this type of (real) Love was not present, even if that was the case just for a second.
It's something all of us have experienced, in one way or another, and therefore I say; we are all in pain, wounded by No-Love.
It is because of this core wound that we experience pain. If we did not have this wound, a breakup, for instance, would mean 'hurt', but not pain. Stress would mean 'stop', or 'act', not pain.
The way we would react to i.e. hurt, stress or misalignment would then be completely different. Our response would be to feel, process, release, react, or act instantly. Therefore there would be no reason for these things to evolve into pain. We would not be victimized or feel victimized.
As long as we do have the wound inside, every time it is touched, we experience the pain of No-Love. However, we get very much used to it, and therefore many of us no longer consciously experience the pain of No-Love.
Those who do we tend to call 'sensitives'.
To become more conscious of the space of No-Love, it helps to look at the different gradations in which it can show up in life:
- There is the gradation that shows in obvious ways: Dark, evil, malevolent situations in which clearly No-Love is/was present.
- Then we have semi-visible situations in which Love may have been present, but was not as 'full' or unconditional as true, all-compassing Love is.
- Finally, there are situations in which Love was present clearly, but again not in its 'full' form.
So another way to put it is: No-Love is anything, any situation in which Love does not show up in its total richness.
And those situations are very common.
Facing our wound
Whenever I struggle to understand or accept the darkness I see in the world, it's what I keep hearing: We are all in pain, wounded by No-Love.
In a way, it is helpful, because, well... it explains a lot... It opens me up to compassion and a knowing of what Love truly is, in its most subtle, all-compassing way.
On the other hand, hearing it can be confronting. It simply is not the type of truth that is nice to 'hear' the first few times. It is also not something that is 'nice' to share. Yet I feel, I have to share about it.
I feel it will help if we can all see this in ourselves, and in others. It will help to be able to just acknowledge it and stop pretending that we are not wounded.
Because if we do see and acknowledge it, we no longer need part of our collective to show it to us in extremes. Which is exactly what is happening.
We don't need to deny hurt to release the pain
I thought, or expected that the more I heal this wound inside, the better I can deal with what is playing out around me. However what I noticed is, the more I heal and learn, the more it hurt initially. Yet, the more time passed, the less the hurt leads to pain in the way, shape, or form I used to experience pain.
Surely some wounds are deeper than others and therefore the hurt or pain one may feel can be felt deeper in them than in others. These are the ones for which research and treatment, or systems are developed. Yet often these studies, treatments, and systems have the goal to make these individuals suffer less or to even make them less of a burden to society...
We focus on reducing the hurt or risk of hurt while ignoring the cause of pain and completely denying that this pain is universal, and something we could all change from a different angle. We completely deny the realness of the space of No-Love, and tell ourselves those who are i.e. traumatized experience too much burden, or pain, just because of this traumatization.
I feel, if we zoom out, and look at the whole world, society at large, we miss out on seeing what this group of people is actually showing us. To me, they portray to us what is hurtful to us all. They are the mirror showing us what No-Love is, and why it hurts so much.
We aim to heal the wound of No-Love by 'helping people' adapt better to it
We tend to only see the individual experience, and instead of seeing what they show, we keep looking just at them.
We see the individual and make them the subject of the problem. We fail to see the gift they are presenting to us, and instead, just see a particular situation that needs to be solved.
When we then 'help' the person, we focus on how they need to reduce the pain they experience. And this can have the opposite effect. Especially when we come up with ways they need to reduce the pain, opening the wound even further as:
Through this approach, No-Love is explained as normal. As if it belongs to life. We need to get used to it, or deal with it better, like 'normal' people. That is when we are well-functioning human beings, according to collective thought. We need to accept No-Love and find ways to deal with the pain it brings, as it is inevitable.
The better we can work around that pain, the better we function, therefore the 'healthier' we are, according to standards.
We fail to see the opportunity we have, the opportunity shown to us through those who suffer:
Instead of adapting better to No-Love, could we evolve to better attune to Love instead?
Why don't we see the obvious?
Why do we fail to choose that road? Why are our systems directed at making those who hurt fit into a society where No-Love is the norm? Why is healing in conventional ways directed at getting people to adapt to this life once again?
We aim to decrease or cover up the initial wound created by No-Love by showing these individuals that No-Love is what they need to embrace better, or more. We give them tools to do this, to navigate it better. We see those who are able to not feel pain from No-Love, as the successful ones, the sane ones. the median. That is our standard.
Our median, our standard for health is measured on ones ability to adapt and navigate the space of No-Love.
And it is our standard because we all adapted to that from the beginning. We don't believe something else is possible nor think we want it otherwise because we think we thrive and therefore become selfish.
"Yes I wish for a better life for those who suffer, but I am not part of that", is what one thinks subconsciously.
If we are one who has managed to create solid ways to adapt, and to be fine, we like to project suffering to the individual, to personal circumstances, like individual experiences, mental capabilities, or even willingness.
Thriving means functioning well in No-Love in our current day world
Are we indeed fine or thriving when we can best live in No-Love? The better capable we are to accept this, and finding our way through it, the better we do in life?
Or may it be so that those who can't, and seek out Love, as a result of continuing to feel the pain of No-Love, are not that crazy after all?
We don't see them as the ones we can learn from. We see them as the ones that need to be treated, to become more like the rest of us.
If we succeed in our attempt for treatment from this perspective, we may mainly succeed in making them more like the rest, not in healing the core wound. A core wound that is a collective one, not just an individual one.
Therefore today's (general) approach is hurting us all.
Sometimes I feel that maybe those who don't make it, those whose treatment fails, are those who failed to embrace No-Love and also have not been introduced to Love.
It doesn't help that many of those treating the 'wounded', have managed to cover up the same wound in themselves or healed it in such a way that they can function in a world where No-Love is the norm.
All that's needed is to realize where we are
The only way the core wound can heal is to know Love. I feel many people (subconsciously) know this truth and struggle in life because they are still in between. Between experiencing No-Love, while not being able to successfully navigate it, while longing for Love, yet not being able to connect to it.
We all need healing, we are all wounded by No-Love, and that's okay. As soon as we realize this, the world could change in an instant.
As long as we suffer, we have not yet been able to be in No-Love from Love.
Now we can try to eliminate all suffering, or just step into Love and see all evolve naturally.
The world itself is not a space of No-Love run by demons. We can be in Love in this world. That is what awakening is. We just have a deformed idea of what Love is. It is something very different than what we think it is.
However, once we are in Love, we may even enjoy hopping around in 'No-Love spaces'. Playing the game of life as Alan Watts meant to teach us. Not so frivolous as that may sound, yet certainly too not as serious, or heavy as we may think.