Path of Silence and Path of Chaos

Silence freaks us out sometimes. Silence is, however, always here, underneath it all.

In a way, it is curious how suddenly, on Sundays, there is so much silence in the city. Then, on Mondays, it's gone.

Most of us like the rest and sense of peace it brings, but not for too long. Soon the feeling that 'something needs to happen' creeps up on us.

We need to feel like we are getting somewhere. Sometimes literally get somewhere, and almost always in regards to life itself. We need to get to a future, a better life, more happiness, more joy, or more freedom.

Why do we tend to feel we need to keep working towards it all?

Silence might show us we are not 'there' yet. We didn't fully find that peace in whatever form we feel it may come to us. So we fear too much of that silence. Because when the silence shows us we are not there, what do we do?

We can't bare the thought that all the things we are indeed doing have not yet brought that peace to us.

Even when we enjoy the silence, when we meditate, for instance, and feel 'all is here,' 'I am complete,' and 'I need nothing else,' we may still struggle. Because then still: What about life? we ponder. We then may use meditation as a recharger. Now that we've felt we are complete all is here, we can deal with life again.

We may become 'spiritual people' and spiritualize life. Which may indeed bring more peace than when we continuously distract ourselves from the silence. Yet, when it becomes 'our thing,' our new anchor, we accept less than what is.

When we merge with spirit, we don't need to be spiritual, nor do spiritual things. Because we just are. There is no need to seek it, reconnect to it, or follow set rituals.

We can still choose to do so if that's what we like to do, but we'll know doing it or not doing it does not matter. Nothing can bring us closer to spirit, or move us away from it.

All we can do is forget a little again. Until that, too, doesn't happen anymore. This is what we try to practice when returning to silence.

There is, however, a 'second' road. It's a fast road that is probably best walked upon when the silence is somewhat embedded in us.

It's when we embrace our free will and make conscious choices continuously. Non-egoic choices, meaning choices not based on fear or false desires. This does not mean self-less, however, because at the core of free will is: You need to be 'in it.'

The fast pace is the result of a domino effect. One choice leads to another. The speed and intensity increase. But you are still at the steering will, with your free will.

Surrender to your own free will is needed, as when you don't, you may suffer greatly. A false sense of surrender will do no good either, as surrender is not selfless. It can be easier for us to believe it is. We rather surrender to something outside of us so we feel less responsible or afraid.

Yet true surrender, in this case, is to surrender to what wants to unfold while knowing you are the one making the choices. It's surrender with free will, choice, and responsibility. You co-create the chaos that emerges from the silence.

Eventually, it turns out it's not that silent underneath it all, after all. We only feel we need to become silent because it seems like there is a lot of noise surrounding us. Yet it will also turn out it is not that noisy after all.

The path of co-creating chaos is the less accepted path. While we are all submerged in chaos, not all of us like to see this chaos all too clearly.

Chaos is not our enemy. Silence and chaos are underneath all creation. One is not better than the other. Neither of the two needs to dismiss the other. They co-exist, and we are part of it all.  

In the end, the path of silence and the path of chaos are one and the same. Both can wake you up. We need silence of mind and ego, as well as a shaking of both.

So next time, when you enter chaos, remind yourself that you are being shaken. You are being shaken because you want to, not because you are being punished. You chose of your free will.